He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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