Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
