went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so let's talk penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
