Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
