morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
