he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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