I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
