im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize