Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
