Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
