I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
