You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
