I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
soo... how was my night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
