let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
