I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
my liver is dry heaving
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
