Your mouth is God's brothel.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
