Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just had sex bonerless
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
