bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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