She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is the high leading the old right now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize