How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
