you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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