i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
