Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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