When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
