He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
