idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
