Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
