First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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