I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
