Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
