"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
