god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
