someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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