He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
