The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
