Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's Friday. Sex?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize