i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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