Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
