dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
