Sry I called you an 8
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
