Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
