You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
