I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
