just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
