And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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