are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
