i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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