just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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