Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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