she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
