Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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