Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
