So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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