that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
smell my finger.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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