and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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