I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
