She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
