I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
