it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
