My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
