I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
