Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
