My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
