hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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