Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
