She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love accidental penises.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
